I’ve always wanted to start a “website” on the “Internet” and become fantastically wealthy, working from home. This is unlikely to happen, unless you and millions of your friends click on the banners on either side of these words. But I digress. You see, in truth, there are lots of things that I would like to do in life. I want to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I want to take amazing pictures and run photoshop like a boss. Unlike most people, I want to sing lead in a band while playing bluegrass fiddle. And, I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. In the past, I’ve tried to emulate the technology blogging press, because I love technology and “wouldn’t that be a natural fit”, I’ve thought to myself. But it turns out technology moves so fast, and the writing talent is so deep, that I just couldn’t keep up. Also, I wanted lots of free stuff, and it turns out that that is “unethical.” What the hell?
You see dear reader, my problem isn’t my dedication, or ability. Well, ability may be a factor for bluegrass fiddle. No, my problem is time sucking, resources hogs that consume my day. Work. Nah. I’m talking about my kids. You see, somewhere along the way, I’ve acquired four of them, ages 2-14. They did not come prepackaged in that age range. My wife and I have had to nuture the hell out of them to get them to grow, and learn, and do a few household chores. It takes an enormous amount of time even to do it half-assed, I can tell you. By the time you finish doing all the stuff your suppose to do, changed poo filled diapers, praising a picture of a firetruck that looks more like someone ruptured a lung and threw up on some construction paper, and making all of the meals and sometimes cleaning up after them, there isn’t much time left. So with that small amount of freedom, I’ve chosen to write a few articles a week, so that you too can bask in the wisdom of my parental superiority. I am a masochist.
It’s possible that you may choose not to have children after reading this blog. That’s ok, because I particularly enjoy harassing the childless and there hard, hard, hard, extra hard lives. I have cried an entire water supply for Uganda. Please give me more ammunition. You may read about the chaos that is this clown college I live in and think, “I am so much better at parenting than that guy.” Fuck you. In a nice way of course because you probably are. They say you should write what you know, and so, I’ve got a lot to say about most subjects that focus on children.
So, I hope you enjoy this blog and it makes you laugh, and maybe, you’ll be a little more tolerant when the woman with three screaming children in the Target checkout is taking 15 minutes to pay for her crap. Actually, I don’t give a shit if you like this blog or not. Just click on the ads. I need to buy more technology gadgets I’ll have no time to use because I’m forced to do all the math homework I didn’t turn in when I was in school.